I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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