what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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