Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize