It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
