I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
