The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
