I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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