i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
