Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
