foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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