And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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