I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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