why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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