Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
