You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
