oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
