Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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