3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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