so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
