Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
