i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
