If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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