i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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