I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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