I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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