Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
