Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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