I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
