When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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