Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.