I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
