I hate your face
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
