I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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