Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
