i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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