meet me or not, i'm out of control
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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