What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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