They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
