My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
