my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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