i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
