After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
