OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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