he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
