I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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