So drunk its hurt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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