She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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