either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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