guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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