Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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