I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
where am i from again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
