I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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