I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
