I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
