I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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