remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was