Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.