Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking