I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.