Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Randomize
Follow @tfln