So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can