And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
