come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
