There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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