If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
