I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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